orgasmic-humor:

ok literally if you take 5 minutes to text me back I will take 6

(via ampurrah)

joshsux:

when mcdonalds accidentally gives you an extra chicken nugget

(via fantastic-monster)

snapchatting:

you are under arrest for being attractive and ruining my life

(via oreosaresex)

justinibiebers:

stuff you ask your mom:

• mom where’s my towel
• mom what do we eat for dinner
• mom what’s time is it
• mom where’s my phone
• mom when do you come back
• mom whats day is it

stuff you ask your dad

• dad where is mom

(via oreosaresex)

internetexplorers:

once our chemistry class got a sub so angry she left in the middle of the lesson to go to church and pray

(via fuck-love-id-rather-flirt)

basedgodniall:

*calls family member by mom’s request*

*silently prays it goes to voicemail*

(Source: nointerrruption, via fantastic-monster)

thosefinelines:

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn

I have always fantasized about this actually.